Valentines Day is this Sunday and if you don’t know by now, let us tell you the tale of how Valentines Day came to be. Legend has it that Saint Valentine of Rome was imprisoned for performing wedding ceremonies for soldiers forbidden from marrying. (Cue the- Awwww’s!) Over time the holiday has evolved into a celebration of love and friendship and we here at Anatomie are excited to bring you a lovable guide to happy relationships in honor of Saint Valentine!
In 2014 The Atlantic published an article citing kindness as the greatest factor of successful happy marriages. Kindness defined as paying attention to your significant other, celebrating actively with them over accomplishments, and engaging in generosity and respect for your partner- especially during fights.
“Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved.” Emily Esfahan Smith
What does this have to do with Valentine’s Day? As a holiday that has been commercialized along with Love- not as a deep connection with another human being but a commodity that can be bought and sold and easily confused with lust, it feels important for us to lead you to true happiness instead of empty gestures. Sure, there is something sweet about flowers and chocolates and champaign one night a year, but shouldn’t every day be an expression of love? Love- The very enigma that can alter molecular structures and brighten our world view! With an impact as huge as that, it’s necessary to take note of these small gestures you can do daily to improve not just your romantic relationship but also strengthen your bonds with friends and family. Take a look at these three simple adjustments and feel the love today!
1. Pay Attention
Nothing ruins affection and intimacy like being ignored. Imagine all of the times you’ve been expressing yourself to a close friend or partner and they were miles away on their phone, plugged into another realm. It’s frustrating, rude, and creates hostility between the two of you. Don’t be the person who creates that kind of happiness-crushing tension! When engaging in conversation with anyone, always put your phone away or on silent. There is a time and a place for being on your phone and during a face to face conversation is not one of those times. It’s not just the cellphone distraction either. When your partner brings something up, they are bringing it up so that you can discuss it further. When you turn toward your partner and engage with them, you show your partner that you value what they have to say and are interested in.
2. Get Excited
When your partner or friend comes to you with good news, get excited for them! Don’t stifle their joy with half-hearted or diminishing acknowledgment, instead engage with your partner about the experience that created this cause for celebration! Good news, no matter how small the accomplishment, deserves to be recognized and praised. Bonding over positive accomplishments will without a doubt work wonders for your relationships!
There are two kinds of people; ones who looks for positive traits in others to appreciate, and ones who look for negative traits in others to criticize. A study dubbed “The Love Lab” conducted by John Gotten over 6 years found that the first group, the positive seeking appreciate-ers, were the same people who had happy marriages full of love. While on the other hand those who sought to criticize their partners were either divorced or in stressful loveless marriages. So how can you implement this data into your own relationship? It’s simple- take stock in the way you view your partner, pay attention to the way you speak to them, and make an effort to find the good in them. Physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, whatever it may be, take a good look at them and pick out the positives. They may be a wonderful cook, or are a dedicated hard worker, or you might just love the way you feel when they hug you. It doesn’t matter the scale of the positive, what matters is that you focus on these positives and communicate to your partner regularly how much you appreciate them and all that they bring to your relationship. This is what they mean when they say relationships are hard work because you can’t just find the good once and go back to looking at the negatives, you have to continually seek out and reinforce the positives.
As for us, we love our readers for coming here every week to check out what is new, for sharing our articles, and for encouraging us to continue bringing you helpful advice and tips about travel, fashion, relationships, and more! Thank you from the bottoms of our hearts! We’d like to hear what you are thankful for in the comments section below! Happy almost Valentines day!